the day ice flowers grew on my window

something that i have learned to like about myself is how I am so aware of my own spirit. I love how I can feel being in my body and go in my body and stay there. I feel like physical me is a different person than spiritual me. Being able to distinguish the difference has already helped me a lot here. I can be by myself. My thoughts run deeper than my mind, i can write about it and I can read and go away and be the characters. I can completely leave a place and just be thinking and have no idea what is going on here.

Although it is easy to loose track of people. Sometimes I confuse what I dream about them to really be them. Sometimes I don't know what to believe and I think that is where I actually start to believe that people are my friends. When they're not. And it's this false believing that lead me to try and forget my old friends, a dream of a new life that would be perfect and full of perfect new friends.

Sometimes I really wish I could paint still, or write songs with words and try to describe the things I see, the things I feel. The things I know.
Sometimes it's the things that I wish I knew.

Today I was grateful for this, when I was in my car, and the ice water was moving.

I knew better. It was flowers, ice flowers growing on my window. I tried to touch them with my fingers...
but like all my dreams
they disappeared to fast.