Missing.

Having my Dad come visit me was so great and so terrible at the same time. I had so much fun while he was here, but I guess it also made living here that much harder... It was hard to see him go. We went to Bear Lake and got raspberry shakes. They were so good! Now I just have to look forward to fall break. Hopefully it comes fast enough... But at this point.. I don't think it can.

Wind Caves

Wench

Really, you don't realize how we are all so connected. That's why I guess it is not surprising that we don't grasp each other's hands and help each other through. We look without seeing, and feel without feeling. The only things that are real are what happens to us. Seeing other people suffer, seeing other people happy, seeing a tragedy turn into nothing else but a tragedy... that doesn't affect us. It doesn't affect me.

It doesn't affect me until I look with intent of understanding, and I feel with my heart. We all have to see to believe now, because here we all with the world to see at our fingertips. But how real is that world?
Maybe if we could actually see each other things would be different. And if every story affected us like it happened to us. As I walk by that graveyard everyday I realize... A million stories here, none of which I will know, or care to know. But someday that's what some soul will think of me. And we never know how close that day will be.

Security is something earned, or else something dreamed. Only a bubble to be popped. God watched over me, just as he always has.

So ... isn't this something I can see to believe in?
And maybe, this second, there is a person that thought just the same thing as I did....

Unfocused Emotion

Some things of note have changed me.

I realized that there has been so many fun things, beautiful things, here in Logan. I love to write and I want to write about what has happened to me.
A couple of nights ago some guys came over with a bunch of scooters. It was so random! I loved it! We rode all around campus and talked and tried to do tricks. I laughed and smiled and it felt so good! It's so Amazing how the good can outweigh the bad if you let it.
Last night me Erika and Jessica went on a walk and went "planking" on statues and tractors and all sorts of random things! We ended up at Erika's friend Caitlin's house and Caitlin and her friend Matt drove us to the "Top of the World" Matt told us how special we are to see this spot and how few people in Logan actually know about it. I could see the whole city. The air was cool and it actually had a taste! It was so sweet and it filled my lungs and my lungs filled my soul with the happiness that was in that air. It sounds pretty cheesy but that is how it really felt. Lawrell Cook told me that I will always miss my home, but I just have to find the things that I love here in Logan and focus on those.
Also, I realized how sweet tears can be. I cried today letting out unfocused emotion that was built up inside of me. The tears actually felt good on my face.
I love how here there is so much time! I can do anything my heart desires here.

And really, that's what life is about. Taking in the sweet things in every place you live. Missing you family, and praying for them every night. Meeting new people that are different. Going new places.. going dancing! And learning to be brave because this is how my life is and will be everyday. Making the decisions that will affect me forever and for eternity. And this is why, my life, here in Logan, is truly a happy one.

sincere hatred of numbers that don't exist

what did you expect? i think it is funny how here in this library everyone sits facing the same way so you don't have to make eye contact to anyone. I just made eye contact with this random guy and it was awkward so I guess I understand. I just had to smile to myself because I was thinking about it.
I realized just like a second ago that the fact that I never have nothing to write about is because I haven't had anything really emotionally or creatively stirring happen to me lately. Emotionally I just feel rather numb, I can't believe I am saying this but I really hope to get back to the emotional me, where I actually feel! And I also can't wait until my violin gets up here, I will start playing music again and I might read a good creative books such as my favorite, The Secret Garden, or else try something new like Ballet Shoes.

i think that I am less emotionally stimulated here at college is because I always feel tired. I think the adventure of moving up here could be way more exciting if I wasn't so tired all of the time. Oh, and taking out the classes and the homework would be nice too.

On the topic of classes I really enjoy all of my classes except 2. Which by the way is a good chunk of all of my classes. The worst is Math 1050, I honestly don't know if I will even be able to pass that class. I don't know what is is but I really just don't get it at all. Speaking of I have a test for that class that starts in an hour. Sigh....I have nothing to do... right now. Because of this quiz I might try and study on Wiley.

Well anyway,, you can thank me later for that rambling session


Sincerely Sierra

Cazier

The first days of classes have been pretty good. I feel like I am already ready for summer though :/ I am not proud to say that I was 10 minutes late to my first ever college class which was French 1010. It was really a stressful and embarrassing time the trip to the campus. All in all things are going pretty well. I used to love to write but I believe I am having writers block. You'd think it would be the opposite since I am just starting this huge new adventure.
I have done a couple of fun things worth mentioning

• Met Roomates
• Moved Out
• Hiked to the Wind Caves
• Went to an actual rock concert
• Walked through the cemetery by my housing
• Was in a mosh pit
• Met a famous journalist
• Went to a college dance party
• Went to the taste of logan
• Started my first college classes
• LOVED MY FIRST DAYS AT COLLEGE

sincerely sierra

sounds of silence

lately i come to write on this blog and its like something is the matter with me... then I realize its becuase I am speechless.

college 101

well this is my 4th day here in Snow Hall. I LOVE IT! it is way way fun! i have met sooooo many new people and it has just been great. I am afraid for when the actual learning part of college starts.

my post have been short lately... i just have had so many experiences it frustrates me just thinking about trying to write them all.

today I feel really really home sick, but all is well



all is well!

Well here I am. Sitting here in my new apartment... listening to gilmore girls... scared and excited out of my mind. I miss my family all ready... i keep forgetting that I am not going home.

wish me luck! i am going to bed ... church at 9 in the morning.


sincerely sierra

Good Change

My last day, my last night. Sigh.

Wow! How life changes! So I pretty much had an amazing day! I went dorm hopping from st george to cedar! i cant believe my friends are in college! I can't believe I am moving out tomorrow! UGH! So much to do so little time you know?!

On a sadder note tomorrow I have to find out what is wrong with me ... im pretty nervous I don't know why... Sigh again.

I am feeling a big change coming on! :) A good one!

Trivial in a Grand Aspect

Emotion is truly an amazing amazing thing. It's crazy how I can feel so anxious, so depressed, so lost, so happy, so loved, so excited, and so innocent all at the same time.
The issue is, my emotions need to be sorted out. Tomorrow is my last full day living here at home. Oh, how things change! Oh, how things and people come and go in our lives leaving only small prints, when at the time you thought they were the world. When at a time they were the world.
No good thing lasts forever. Not even people, not here in this life.
And that's why I'm leaving this hell of a town and moving on to... well better things. I hope that me be on my own, not dependent on any body will help me realize who I am and what I need to do. Everyday is beautiful.

On a less dramatic note me and my mom went on a mommy daughter date yesterday. We went to Olive Garden and went shopping. I got two dresses. Today me and my dad went on a daddy daughter date and we drove to Oscars Cafe in Springdale and sat and talked and looked towards Zions. Speaking only of trivial things.
what is trivial in this great world, in such a grand aspect?
Maybe everything is trivial, thats why we cannot dwell on anything for too long.

ps i cut off my hair.


sincerely sierra

No End

There was something really great that I realized today.... and then I forgot what it was. Figures.

These realizations are really quite profound sometimes. It has been really interesting lately. I mean, I think I saw one of my best friends for the last time.. in who knows how long. I also had my first fro. Really its like two circumstances happen at the same time that play my emotions in opposite directions. I guess this is where it all starts, where I have to start learning who I am and what I believe in. I can't be split forever.

This is my last weekend of my work at sand hollow, tomorrow will be my last sunday living at home.

Even though my life is so full of last, it is also chalk-full of firsts. The only issue is, is that I can't decide if it is the "lasts" that will make me who I am, but rather the "firsts".

Really, I believe that this whole life is a first...  there is no ends.

final hoorah hoorah

I am nervous today... and I am VERY lazy. Am I allowed to have such a lazy day...a week and a half before I move out? I dont know but I am in a mood where I am just going to do it anyway. Later tonight me and my best friend are having our final hoorah hoorah! As depressing as it might be ... we are not going to think to much of separation tonight... only of being crazy and being ourselves. Maybe someday in the future we will be together again... whether sharing an apartment or going to the same university or maybe we will both end up settling down here in Hurricane again. Sometimes its nice to not know the future.. it gives this life an edge.

Sigh. Well thats about all that is happening lately. Really. Life needs to give me some excitement. though i might be hoping for less excitement later this month.

sincerely sierra

Like A Bullet in the Rain

Well, It's true. I have a new goal and it is to be happy. Here it is... time to start college and with this new beginning.....I am putting this past behind me. Forever... only to be looked at from the outside... not an inner emotional experience. This is it. Today is the day... Embrace Change, Wear Red Shoes, Begin Today,
Take Flight towards your dreams.....

Believe in Possibility



Sincerely Sierra

Captain America

a good day a good night. not much more i can ask for. some scary things kind of hit me hard. im going to college .. i am moving out... i am taking 17 credits.... and i took out my first loan. wow.

but other than that we had kylah today which i LOVE!! also i went college shopping and now the remnants litter my poor room. ugh. a 100 dollars on things that i need (not clothes) .. wow.

another thing dawned on me but with a different light. money is something worked for... and it will always be that way for me. Instead of worrying about how other people get free money (my money) I just need to worry about how i will provide for myself. I mean what else could I be doing with my summer other than saving up for college?

Also I realized how much I miss my friends. I went and saw Captain America with Jenna and I went star gazing with Karly and Andrea. Even though all we talked about for the whole night was the different ways that our lives have changed i feel like nothing has really changed at all.

That feeling.... I hope it never goes away. And when it does I hope that I am grateful that I had that feeling at all.

Bigger Plans

I'm not happy for her. Does that make me a bad person?? We were best friends for a full year and I hear this huge news from a line of rumor... Validating it validity made me almost ill. Really? She was the one who made the right decisions? Even though it seemed so wrong.

But I have bigger plans than that.

Well at least that is what i keep telling my self. I was talking to Misty today and she really really inspired me. I want to start something and I want to start something big.  Something huge. And when I told her that I couldn't she said that I can.

I can do this. And I am starting at Utah State University and I don't need some backstabbing friend from southern utah by my side .. with me during all of the action. Then she will see that it is I that made the right decisions. Because I know how to treat friends... and I don't leave the people I love to climb higher on any totem pole.

I am going to do something huge... and it is all going to be me.

A Sad Farewell

it does seem like lately there is nothing to really write about. it's weird how things change so quickly yet there is no really exciting news. my family moved to a different ward today and my dad is in the bishop ric. sigh,.   i hate change and i am not taking all of this change very well.

another interesting thing is that the final installment of the harry potter series came out into theatres. this might be a bit dramatic in me saying is that it was a real eye opener to me on how much time has gone by and how much older i am getting. i remember when the first harry potter came out. i was in 2nd grade. now the last one has came out and i am graduated and making all of these really difficult decisions. In a way I grew up with Harry Ron and Hermione. There triumphs were my triumphs and there hardships were my hardships. I will always have a personal connection with these characters becuase they were always there. I might be a book nerd but i think that is book really has a special part inside of me. Part of who i am involves Harry Potter.

So cheers to Harry Potter for his bravery and hope when all things were dark.... I hope  that he has taught me to do the same in my life.

...Like I said alot of things are changing. It is a sad farewell to a life that seems like a dream now. There are millions of kids like me getting ready to move out.. take  the next step... you know.. adult things such as this. I am not alone in this endeavor although it feels like I am walking in the middle of the forest looking for the path that every one else is on. I cant find that path. Maybe as I start college I will find this path and join the hurd of people like me and actually figure out what I am doing with my life.

I know that a lot of my post lately ..(other then the ones about vacation) were a little on the depressing side. But hopefully as things start looking up in Change Central.. my posts will start looking up too.

One last thing.... NEW YORK CITY WAS GREAT!!!!!


sincerely sierra

A Sad Farewell

it does seem like lately there is nothing to really write about. it's weird how things change so quickly yet there is no really exciting news. my family moved to a different ward today and my dad is in the bishop ric. sigh,.   i hate change and i am not taking all of this change very well.

another interesting thing is that the final installment of the harry potter series came out into theatres. this might be a bit dramatic in me saying is that it was a real eye opener to me on how much time has gone by and how much older i am getting. i remember when the first harry potter came out. i was in 2nd grade. now the last one has came out and i am graduated and making all of these really difficult decisions. In a way I grew up with Harry Ron and Hermione. There triumphs were my triumphs and there hardships were my hardships. I will always have a personal connection with these characters becuase they were always there. I might be a book nerd but i think that is book really has a special part inside of me. Part of who i am involves Harry Potter.

So cheers to Harry Potter for his bravery and hope when all things were dark.... I hope  that he has taught me to do the same in my life.

...Like I said alot of things are changing. It is a sad farewell to a life that seems like a dream now. There are millions of kids like me getting ready to move out.. take  the next step... you know.. adult things such as this. I am not alone in this endeavor although it feels like I am walking in the middle of the forest looking for the path that every one else is on. I cant find that path. Maybe as I start college I will find this path and join the hurd of people like me and actually figure out what I am doing with my life.

I know that a lot of my post lately ..(other then the ones about vacation) were a little on the depressing side. But hopefully as things start looking up in Change Central.. my posts will start looking up too.

One last thing.... NEW YORK CITY WAS GREAT!!!!!


sincerely sierra

Waterfall....Chocolate.....Amish.... ALL IN TWO DAYS!

Two words. NIAGARA FALLS! beautifull! beautilful! Nothing can describe how beautiful and breathtaking Niagra Falls was. I loved doing Maid of the Mist which is a boat that literally almost takes you right under the falls. I was was soaked from all of the mist!  The colors on the falls were beautiful too. It was crazy going down to Cave of the Winds... where we took an elevator down to the bottom of the falls and we got to stand right next to the bottom of the falls! Niagara was a real highlight of this trip so far :)

After Niagara we started heading towards Pennsylvania. It is such a green and beautiful country! We drove alot of the way right on the Susquehanna River which is also beautiful! Speaking of I have seen water from all of the great lakes and I have been on Lock 29 of the Eerie Canal.!   I have already seen so much!

Speaking of sightseeing the amish country in Intercourse Pennsylvania in Lancaster County was great for that. It is SOOOOO beautiful. Only pictures would be able to describes the scenes... but nothing can describe that fresh air. I rode a really old train that was from the 1800's in Strasburg PA. That was way fun. The Amish ride all around in all of there little buggies... and there houses are beautiful with the barns and acres and ancres of green crops. The Amish children are really cute... but the adults... especially the men... are kinda creepy. Its also interesting how the woman drive these adult sized razor scooters... oh man they are weird.

we went to a family dinner restraunt which was an interesting experience and i tried shoo fly pie which is also interesting.

in short niagara was great and the amish are just.... really interesting. I love chocolate and now I know how it is made and where it comes from. This trip is just flat out great!

A Pageant at Hill Cumorah

Turns out the next day went really well! we had our breakfast.....(EW)   and then the magic began.
We went and saw the sacred grove and the farm where Joseph Smith grew up. There was such strong sense of peace in the area...

we also visited peter whitmers house and a couple of church places that were pretty cool and historic.

Last, but not least, we went and saw Hill Cumorah and the pageant. WOW! it was an amazing experience and i was happy i was able to experience that with my family and with Andrea .... wow. 

Palmyra was great! Connies Diner in Waterloo,... Fayette... Rochester. Everything was great! Manchester too!    It was green! so green i was shocked! Leaving made me sad but I got to see my first light house on the way out right there on Lake Ontario!!!!!!!  I loved that... the lake looked like the ocean.

Haunted Brides in Palmyra

wow.
I left on vacation and I LOVE IT!  here is the story from the beginning... just so i can document it so far.



I leave my house at 2:30 am and head to McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas Nevada. Tired and nervous from the trip i dont sleep. After I leave McCarran at 6 am I am flown to Chicago Illinois and then to Washington DC. We dont go sight seeing in either stop becuase we have connector flights at the same airport. Though Copeland luck kicks in and we find ourselves in my first ever airport delay .... a long one which take 5 hours. Reading Harry Potter 7 made time go by a tidge faster... and then.. YES! we have an airline crew to take us through to storm to land in Rochester New York.


After searching for about 2 hours we land at our bed and breakfast at Palmyra. Not knowing what to expect from a bed and breakfast we go in with open minds... well most of us do.    My Dad knows that we have to share the bathroom.. "with strangers." Then things turn for the worst when Barbara (the host) leads us the "The Marriage Room." What? The Marriage Room....     ???!!!!   I'm pretty sure thats where my dad ALMOST lost his nerve... but maybe he had one straw left
.... in the corner of the room stood the creepiest mannequin with the creepiest wedding dress........


My Dad was not happy that night................ And I thought our trip was already turning for the worst.

lets hear it for New York

Video 

Just like the video i have gone to girls camp. which was really fun. i learned alot and made new beehive friends. i went zip lining, rock climbing and canoeing.    it was fun and give me a sunburn. I dont really know if there is any other news really. I'm heading to new york in two weeks which should be great.

sincerely sierra

sincerely sierra

question....  what is it that make me..me?

there are days that i cry. i think that i cry because i can't get some things out of my mind.
Death.
Life.
Love.
and...lack of love.

While we're young, lets breathe in each moment as we walk the road to what we become. Let us DREAM BIG, and love even bigger. while we're young.


i am at this huge turning point in my life. i think. what are these decisions? and why do i have to make these decisions through the loudest thunderstorm i have ever lived through. i can't here what is sincerely sierra anymore, only voices that tell me what is insincere... what is false... and what is reality. Reality is false lately... it's not a reality that belongs to me...it has to be someone else's ... because i shouldn't have to worry about death and love and life.  I shouldn't look at someone and wonder when they will take there last breath. That is not sincere.. that is not sierra.

So what is Sierra? Is it me that takes this thunderstorm and attempts to dance in the rain? Is it me that faces a choice head on without fear? Is it me that leans on the Lord Jesus Christ to get me through
this storm....    Is this me ? Or something to look forward to to become.  Become....    

Here I am with these Dreams.. with these fragments of thoughts... And I wonder.. will they ever become? and is it really up to me?   In just 2 months I will leave My town, My Community, My Ward, My Friends, My Home, My Family, My LIfe.     Everything I knew to be true.

And today... I ask.. What is sincerely sierra?

i decided that i want to do something fun at least once everyweek this summer.
here is a list that i have got going up.

• Tuachan's Little Mermaid
• Grand Canyon
• Sand Hollow
• Temple Trip
• Three Falls
• Movies

These ideas should keep me busy for awhile.

So kylah just left my house. It was kinda hard having her over becuase she kept bringing up my aunt teresa.
"Terri is up in heaven and she's not coming back! She's not coming back!"

"Sometimes grandmas go to heaven and they don't come back down."

Etc Etc

I miss my aunt teresa. every now and then i see something that reminds me of her... like a picture of falls leaves or watching my family play cards.

It's a good thing that i know that families are forever.

ps.   i am excited for my trip to up north this week!

sincerely sierra

a trek in zion

going to zion always relaxes me. we hiked emerald pools to the top pool. but next time we go we are going to do the overlook... which i am sorta scared about.

hiking and returning to nature just sorta brings me back down to earth.... and i love springdale too!.... but most of all i just love my friends. i am so blessed to have them and hopefully i will make similar ones at Utah State but we will see what happens. I am sure that I will.

I am reading The Secret Garden.  i really really love love love it! it's not at all what i expected! but i like it.
I really love how Mary Lennox looks sickly when she first arrives at the manor from India, but when she goes outside and runs around the wind "awakens her imagination by blowing the cobwebs away from her mind." and the wind "whips her cheeks so that they are now rosy instead of yellow."

I love that....

I just do.

sincerely sierra

material girl

2nd 10 hour shift done.... 2 more to go..

Maybe I can survive this. 

Nitro Circus from MTV are over at the lake and that adds some fun sportiness to my life. Dennis said that I should have a ranger take me down tomorrow to see some of the stunts.

Simply the only things that I have done so far this week is work.

I bought a new lunch box with spiderman on it

I bought TEEN VOGUE and enjoyed it

I want some BURBERRY sunglasses please

And  a picture of HER MORNING ELEGANCE music video by Oren Lavie.

i want one.

i am a material girl in a material world.

sincerely sierra

here comes the sun

it's summer... it's summer... it's summer... it's summer... it's summer...it's summer.


i keep telling myself this to remind me.

well for this first day of actual enjoyable summer i went on a jog and fixed the oil in my car.
Next up..

Folding Laundry
Gilmore Girls

Then I have a 10 hour shift at work :(

Ugh. I really want to go to that family bbq. I work for 10 hours tomorrow too. which really sucks.



ugh.
 work


college better be worth working my summer away.

here i come lake... please give me a tan.

sincerely sierra

what is left

a pounding headache.

That is what is left over from the weekend

Let me tell you about it!
It was my birthday on Friday, and it turned out to be pretty good. I went to the hospital to visit my aunt teresa, then my dad took me to Best Buy and he bought me a macbook Pro for graduation which i love very much. Then after that I hung out with Shaynae and watched, Across the Universe and went to Larsens Frost Stop

On Saturday I went in to work at Sand Hollow at 12 and then proceeded to work until 10 pm. My first 10 hour shift. I came home to the fact that my Aunt Teresa was doing really well in regards to her having knee surgery. About an hour later my dad receive a phone call that tells us that my aunt went into Code Blue, but she was revived and sent to the ICU.

On Sunday I woke up with Kylah only to find out that my dad had left, becuase my Aunt Teresa had taken a turn for the worst. The Phone Rang. Me and my mom answered and I heard my Dad bawling for the first time as he said "She didn't make it."  From that point on I entered an alternate reality wear my emotions just stay at point zero. She died at 6 30 am May 22nd a Sunday. That day I spent with family, in complete remorse for the event that had taken place. Everyone is shock

On Monday I woke up with a different attitude and realized that if I didn't think of my Aunt Teresa I wouldn't be sad. Me and Shaynae took Kylah and Coral to the park and got pizza. It was so fun! we planned on doing it again sometime so I guess we will see what will happen. After that I went to Graduation Practice and then to Yearbook signing. I walked out of the high school for the last time as a student.

On Tuesday I woke up and started getting prepared for graduation. Me and my mom were leaving at 11 to take liana to lunch. It was a grim and happy lunch becuase we were both ready to graduate but Liana didn't want too really becuase of sorrow. We then proceeded to graduate. As I turned my tassel it seemed unreal, it was a moment I have been dreaming about for so many years and now it finally happened!  It was amazing. I got to wear gold ropes, nhs collar, utah scholar medal, my grannys candy lei. it was fun to graduate but it seemed unreal. After being with family I went home and got ready for gradnight. Gradnight was so much fun! I joined a synchronized swimming team and watched a bunch of classmates get hypnotized. AHHH! It was so much fun!  


And that brings me here. to Wednesday. AHHH. Ahhh. The viewing is tonight and the funeral is tomorrow. Lets see if I am ready to face whatever comes my way. Turning 18 and graduating brought on a lot of reality for me... literally. hopefully i can continue to find the strength in God to make it through trials. Becuase this year is definitely one of them.

if you asked me for my heart there is no way that i'll say no

It's the end.
Today is my last day of high school, of grade school itself..
As a whole i think it was alright. I graduate next tuesday, 5 more days.
I think I will miss this life I live.
But maybe I am ready for a change.

It's The Beginning
Tomorrow is my 18th birthday
I am moving on to bigger and better things......            like what?
College, Work, Responisblity, Finances....

Right.

Just keep telling myself this is a good thing



Even though the fear will not leave my heart.



Sincerely Sierra

i get by with a little help from my friends

Another busy week under my belt. 

ONE MORE WEEK UNTIL GRADUATION
THREE MORE DAYS UNTIL I CHECK OUT OF SCHOOL
SIX MORE DAYS UNTIL MY BIRTHDAY

Here is last weeks itinerary

• I worked Monday thru Wednesday the night shift.
• Thursday I had my final orchestra concert
• Friday was Senior Sneak all day
• Saturday. SLEEP! WRITE ESSAYS ! STUDY JURISPRUdENCE! ETC>!!!

Today is Saturday, Finally. It was a long week but yet it seems to be going pretty darn fast. Thank heavens.

My orchestra concert went really well. I received an orchestra varsity letter which was cool. When I played my last song I felt kind of sad. When the silence was after we played our last note and before the crowd could clap I felt REALLY sad. After 8 years of orchestra it was all just coming to an end

don't make it bad

UGHAAAHHHHHYESSSSSS!

that about sums up this last week. the first of the week was really stressful and terrible. i had a ton of test to be worrying about.. including math 1010, ap lit, and college physics.  (alright i will admit i wasn't worried about the physics test.) then yesterday (friday) i just got to relax and hang out with all of my good friends. karly got a haircut, andrea's bf myles got a new car, caitlin played her last softball game, and shaynae watched her final dance concert. Meanwhile we marched down the street singing "Hey Jude" and "The Ants go Marching Horah!"    work has been treating me really well as well. I got to go jeep crawling and today I got to help with the Iron man which is an amazing experience!

stress-less bro

{sincerely sierra}

saving the day

Interestingly enough... I can't think of anything to write about. Future me: I hope you are doing well. :)

I am doing well. I am rekindling a love of this life and this earth. Like the plant. I got a plant after my shoulder surgery that was kind of homely and had no flowers but only weeds. We have been watering it since we've gotten it, but the other day I was doing my shoulder exercises and I looked over at that plant and it had bloomed, after 4 months of waiting! It's beautiful, because as I bloomed back into better health, that beautiful plant bloomed with me.

I worry about my dad when he leaves on trips for work. When he is out saving the day...  :)  

I haven't thought about mortality for awhile.. and it's been on my mind. I think I have been thinking about becuase I know that I need to live up the time that I have on this earth. Hopefully it is long.. but you never know.

"Who thinks about leavin when you are livin?"  

Well, I didn't mean for this to take such a depressing turn. Haha! My point is we should all live life to the fullest! Forever! :D

sincerely sierra

easter weekend

there is no time.

Listen to this playlist: sierrabear17's Playlist

:) giving up the gun

giving up the gun

vampire weekend

2+2=5

finishing the novel 1984 by george orwell...(whose real name is eric blair) has really peaked my interest in dystopian novels. even in 1948 when orwell wrote the book he had similar fears for the future as we do now. the future is unwritten, yes, but what happens when the past is too? are we all really trapped in our bodies? (our minds suffering to escape this trap.... fail)   maybe the fact that winston doesnt die in the end is more tragic then him actually dying. if he was dead his mind would be free.... if he could only defy big brother.  but he can't now. i really liked this novel... i give it a thumbs up ..especailly if you want a novel that makes you think really deep. next up.. animal farm :)  (well after this quarter ends anyway.)

{sincerely sierra}
----- well.. if that is even true anymore.

becuase with a name like Smuckers it has to be good

  lot of crazy/happy/sad things have gone on lately and I haven't had time to blog.

crazy things i have done:

• went to prom
• first blind date (which my dad said was double blind)
• got senior pictures
• talked to a random guy in a car going 50 mph.

happy things i have done:

• went to prom
• went to an intense soccer game
• bought expensive makeup
• met a couple beautiful boys
• practiced my violin a lot

sad things i have done:

• my orchestra didn't make it to state.
• seminary graduation?
• been frustrated with friends and got my feelings hurt.

                      So hopefully this list reminds me of the past week. I didn't mention stressful things I have done because that would have taken a year to write. two words. mister cullimore.    well, and other teachers as well.

   Another point to this blog is the question, what's in a name? Wondering I pondered on people with names. which is mostly everyone.
                 A name like Barry (my prom date). Is the fact that your name is Barry help you be so crazy and free-spirited?
            With a name like Megumie Gas. (Master Female Violinist from a competitive school) Is the reason you are probably going to be famous someday  is becuase your name is Megumie Gas?
                   What about me. Sierra ?   whats in that name? Am I suppossed to be an enviromentalist?

What is in a name like Sierra?

                         " Becuase with a name like Smuckers, it has to be good"

whosoever sows desire

i'm not a triple threat.

these days are long... the weeks too short.   I need more time but time needs to go faster. Every second would equal 4. and every 9 would equal 60. but every 4 would equal 7 really to the mind while every 9 would equal 75 while still euqaling 60. There we go.  Prime numbers would all be even and the odd's would all be medians. That's what I want for my birthday. Which is coming up soon by the way.You decide if the minutes are getting longer or shorter then tell me the answer.


I need to know this answer to get through the next couple of weeks.

choices

choices suck.. i never like them.
and know one ever chooses me on purpose.


exept the other day I won a free tv. that was pretty nice i must say :)

I started my new job. It was... fun I guess... :)

Inspired

I realized that we are all inspired the same.

The Music Box.



The Music Box Dancer... He has a lot of a happier take on something so beautiful... me.... no... as the girl spins round and round I realize she will see nothing else.... and the girl she dances for ....   never will know.... the love the music box dancer has for her... the girl will fall asleep.. with tears in her eyes..   and the music will run out. And slowly come to a stop.. it's last notes seconds away.........

i'm so heavy in your arms

I have never had allergies before.

I do now.




I want to go to prom. Is that so bad? Is that so much to ask for?

i couldn't end it

last night was one of those long nights. i was dreaming... and my last one was really scary. in fact it was so scary that when i woke up i wanted to try and end it happily ever after.. becuase i knew that if i didn't end it... i would die in my dream.
i couldn't end it.

So today seems as good and as hopeful as any. I am really busy this last day of march... and I am really excited for April.  That means just one month and a half before school ends. I got a job.. I can't remember if I already wrote this but I start April 6th which is next wednesday. AHHH I am really nervous.

Right now I don't want to go to college this second.

I don't ever want to go to school again.

It better be good up there... that's all I can say.

1984

well, when I first started my blogging experience whenever I would type a post I would write a title first. No. That is not the correct way for me. I always need to start writing for awhile until a perfect title pops into my mind. POP! you see one just did.

Anyway I am up north right now and enjoying my time away from home and Hurricane. I toured my future university which was pretty fun! I really like it there. Out of all the colleges and universities I've been too this one has really stuck out to me as being the best. I feel comfortable there. AND that is important.

In other news..... wait I have no other news. I am reading the book 1984 by George Orwell. I'm not really sure I understand all of the deep stuff yet but I'm sure it will come to me...     I hope so anyway... this is actually a book I really do want to understand.

sincerely sierra

sincerely busy

i am just going to write whatever is on my mind starting now.

There is so much of the world that I haven't seen. In a way this depresses me but it also gives me hope. I mean if I had already seen the whole world there would be nothing new out there for me to see. I have been thinking about this since I met some people from Canada, and then watched Charlie's video of his childhood in Bath England... and with a friend of mines sister being in Thailand I have had my mind on foreign places for quite awhile now.

I don't waste to much time thinking about foreign countries and all the lands and places there are for me to discover becuase school has recently started up again. It looks like the last qtr. of high school will be just as hard as the rest and will definitely give me a run for my money... literally... becuase I don't want to loose any of my scholarships. Not that I have that many. It seems that every single scholarship I have applied for I have been turned down form.

Not suprised... and I also got a job... for this qtr. and for summer. I am excited for it but it's going to make me super busy for the months April and May. I just need to get through it one day at a time. Right.

Alright g2g :)

Sincerely Sierra

cast your fate to the wind

I got a new piano book and this song was included. One of my new favorites. I got the end the first time but couldn't find it.. I played it over and over trying to find the ending... (maybe the pages were mixed up) but now I realize that the ending is up to me and i'm suppossed to

..cast my fate to the wind....


it's my ending now

all the cloudy days

People look more pretty today then they did yesterday.



Maybe it's the weather....

simply, with expression

lets stick together.
It's weird to me how sometimes I am sooooo scared for something, but when I am actually experiencing it, I stay calm and feel fine.
I hope that's how tomorrow's job i nterview goes; becuase I really want this job.
Today I saw an old friend. Nothing happened. So instead I bought a fish and named him Bernard. He is Beta

Bernard the Beta Fish

Sometimes I think I forget about the truly beautiful things that happen to me, everyday.
My little cousin Kylah called me and just wanted to talk.
...........Laughing with best friends.
Watching young love bloom into something more serious.
Me and my Dad looking at Bernard together in my room......
The Rain taking form of mist over a town that I love, a town that helped create who I am.

Spring Break is almost over. I think it has been one of the better breaks. In summer when I was little I was such an adventurer. Climbing, digging, falling.  Dreaming. So innocent with the a new adventure waiting around every corner. Threre was  nothing wrong in the world. Sometimes I wish that everything was still like that. I think I got a little taste of the young me this spring break. Seeing the lake with my family, watching movies again, and being outside. I always forget how much I love being outside. 

I won't forget anymore.

there is a song I am playing on the violin and it says to play the song "Simply, with expression..."
Is that an oxymoron?         Next time I do anything it's going to be simply with expression.

Even though there are a million things I want to change in my life... I am afraid that once I do I will want what I have back.

But everything good has a risk, doesn't it?

take me higher

39 more days left of senior year.
4 more days left of spring break.
2 more hours unitll I have a job call.
10 more minutes until I make cookies
1 second ago my aunt lauren called.

I am slightly sad and slightly happy right now., and it's one of those weird moods. I want to do something with my friends.... but no one ever calls.

so ....

So nothing.

send me to the brink

Good and Bad
Bad and Good

Nothing has really been going different... then usual. I find myself extremely happy though. Which is good. Maybe it's becuase that I am finally in the final quarter of all of grade school. finally in the final.  
Which has brought on an onslaught of thoughts and emotions. Am I ready for this? For responsibility? For my life?

Everything is open, it's free, it's my descision.... my life.  Please let is all go well ... please. :)

I will just hold on to the things that I know are true

True to Myself
True to my Family
True to my Friends
True to Music
And Truth in the Gospel

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<I think I will be fine.

Flickr Photo Sharing

All sizes Double click* Flickr - Photo Sharing!

This is not my photo ... it belongs to Spleen on Flickr. I just loved it and wanted to share it

daddy knows best

As of Lately:

• Region Solo & Ensemble
• Harry Potter
• Mumford and Sons
• Failures in Everything Related to Academics

And my Dad always says to smile and daddy knows best.
Tonight is March Mayhem at Desert Hills and at Desert Hills is SUPAF gift pick up with the orchestra. I am excited for Spring Break which is next week. I seriously need a Spring Break and I am going to fufill things on the Senior List.     Right......   Becuase senior year is almost over and I am a couple of days away to being in the fourth quarter of the last year of all of my high school. Which is a positive thing.

white blank page

a bird just landed outside my window and sang three notes....



i think that it is a sign that everything is going to be alright... so i'm not worrying 'bout a thing




sincerely sierra

everything is going...

DON"T WORRY ABOUT ME!!!!!  i only have to study for the GENERAL FINALS coming up.

It's going to be a busy weekend but I am super excited. The fashion show wen well last night and it was fun. Modeling is not in my future but at least now I know.

Also, I have my preference dress and i really love it! it's light blue. well anyway :)

great expectations

Alright.

My Dad says that it's the dissapointments and failures that make up our character. Right. Sometimes a person has expectations and when you expect something that never arives, even after hours and years of hard work, you might catch yourself looking down.

I thought I earned, I thought that was what all the hard work was for and all of the time spent.      All of that was wasted... only earning me 2,000 dollars when really I expected over 35,000 dollars.   No notta big deal at all.

i am told things will work out as long as I am looking up, but what is there to look at up there.

Remind me to look up.

sincerely sierra

all that glitters is gold

Well tomorrow I have a fashion show and on saturday I have PREFERENCE. It will be a fun weekend if preference works out. I am pretty excited, it will be super fun.

Sierra's Thoughts As-of-Lately:
HOMEWORK: becuase that's all I have time to think of..
TV SHOWS- like my life as liz and smallville and of course gilmore girls
FRIENDS-   I mean.. guys... seriously

                              Your Welcome

Well I am going to sign up for A-DAY and hopefully shaynae will come with me :) A secret about me: (I am super shy).   So I am nervous for this whole going to college and meeting new people thing. I am excited becuase I honestly just want to change my life from how it is in high school and my math teacher told the class that if you want a drastic change of people...move :)   Two negatives of leaving the people of Hurricane
Well 1st I am really going to miss my family and wish I didn't have to be away for such long periods of time. 2nd.. I haven't been away from this group of people since I was like 2... so I hope it isn't to much of shock. Ha.

   Also.. another thought.. it's weird how people change... one minute you think you know someone.. then the next second you are blown away by their actions. And honestly... I have enough change coming my way.

it's march...

my agenda for march

• Preference
• A-Day
• Doctors Appt.
• Alot of English homework and studying
• Smallville Seasons 4 and 5

Well... I think that's it anyway. :)
So it seems like a good month awaits me.. and it also means that I am one step closer to graduating. yes.


yes.

I am a terrible blogger. Haha. My life doesn't really  have anything to rave about right now, well except for the fact that i am obsessed with tom welling, and i have watched all of the seasons of gilmore girls twice now... (my weakness ) :D

heat

today I burned a lifetime of memories..

I looked up into the tress and saw the memories raining down on to my face

Some still red, still to bring tears to my eyes.

But then a thick gust came

And the memories blew off toward a pink sunset

And the smell stung my nose, and the smoke burnt my eyes

And my lips are chapped, tingling

the colors of life are turned to black and white

a flame diminishes

but with the diminish of this flame


Another has just began



And feeds me burning hope





Until my fire, too , is gone with the wind.

see the world walking upside down

What shall I do today?
Standing on top of Mt. Kilimanjaro
Watching the sunrise the wind in my hair
I'm gonna go wherever I wanna go
There's magic everywhere
I've danced with the lions who roam Serengeti
I've met a tiger and played in his lair
When I get home I'm right where I wanna be
There's magic everywhere
Watching the clouds roll by
Sailing the ocean, learning to fly
In the moonlit sky
I've been friends with a cobra in the burning Sahara.
Danced with a Swami while everyone stared
I live where I live and I do what I wanna do
There's magic everywhere
Dive with the Dolphins and soar with the albatross
A world full of treasures to know if you dare
I am the sea and nobody owns me
There's magic everywhere
Watching the clouds roll by
Sailing the ocean, learning to fly
In the moonlit sky

Lol I am not Pippi Longstocking but this song sorta inspires me becusase we can choose whatever we want to do every day.
Kindof

The Rocking Horse Winner

Today has been a good day. I kept my heart around my neck ( not like I actually talk to boys anyway). This is a positive thing at high school this week though. Its battle of the sexes week.. which means alot of car racing and tampon spreading are coming my way. oh the joys of bots.

On a more important note today I learned about D. H. Lawrence. He wrote the little prose called The Rocking Horse Winner. Us humans are after life , liberty, and the pursuit of happyness. Well since we americans (yes the ones who have special holidays to make sure we are thankful and love eachother) already life and liberty : life with the advances in medicine, and liberty with to the handsome federalist that created the constitution, that means that there is only one thing left, the pursuit of happyness. ( yes... it was run-on). Is happiness attainable??
Not until after we are dead

This is becuase we americans find joy that only lasts temporarily. Once we have something we only want something more. We will never be completely happy, will we. So yes you Mother from  The Rocking Horse Winner... Luck is not happiness.. becuase nothing is. Not even money.

So that is me on a soapbox.        Weak.

Alright pizza is ready :)


Sincerely Sierra

princess no more

It was hard last night.

• I gave up my 1st Attendant Crown
• A year long part of my life ended

It was great last night.

• I gave up my 1st Attendant Crown
• A year long part of my life ended

Whatever feelings I am having right now .. they are definitely split... but no matter how many feelings I have about the pageant last night .... nothing will change the fact that I am princess no more.

preference

It's a dance, yes a girls choice dance. I have been debating as of lately whether I wanted to go. DO I? Something very spirit dampening is dampening my spirits about high school dances. Do I really look forward going into a sweaty room with a guy I hardly even know and pretend I know how to dance while I am really looking at my dream date and dream dress the whole time?

Well maybe I do.

So this is the question... Who is my "Preference"?  You would think I would choose someone who I would want to ask me to prom.    Well I won't. Becuase I am way to shy and and way to.... not outgoing... to do something like that... like ask a guy to dance that I actually WANT to go with.

Even thinking about that gives me the HEEBIE JEEBIES


So as it has been so windy,,, and every one in the whole universe is suffering a cold except for me I realize that it is only time before I too am suffering from a cold.

BTW I dyed my hair blond.

So every now and then I change the music I listen to back to something I overlistened to six months ago. So now I find myself back to being into the hush sound.

Someday I better find a guy just like Peeta Mellark. I love you Peeta.   I don't care if I sound like a book freak when I say that... becuase there is no guy that even has a clue... it seems like.

Jaymee: Does that mean Brittany Spears can be President

Mr. History Teacher: : Well, yes Jaymee
******************silence from class

Marissa: That would be fun!

Random quote from my day. Well considering I have 4 tests tomorrow I gotta go back to reading Jane Eyre (Which by the way I have a dream of making it into a book for teens. Like the American Teen Version)

-sincerely sierra

To Be Or Not To Be-- ... Is that a question?

So as of lately I had to memorize the TO BE OR NOT TO BE speach from Shakespeares "Hamlet". It went well.. except when I was reciting it to my teacher my brain forgot every word that started wtih the letter "C"  


Maybe I will just have to live with a B.

In other news we are babysitting a pug this week named Luna that lives in our neighborhood. She is naughty and she is mean to my pug Owen. That alright though becuase she is so adorable.    I have to go to my AP Literature class and only have a  couple more minutes to write.   Lately there is nothing to write about.

Exept this:

TODAY IS THE 5th WEEK SINCE I HAVE GOTTEN SURGERY>>>  AND WE ALL KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS>>> NOTHING>

Yay.

Sincerely Sierra

where you stand

So I have now given up on wearing my sling.. Even though I suppossedly am suppossed to wear it for  a couple more days. Zach and Nick say I can drive now and I am starting therapy.
Things are kinda looking up. Kinda.
I didn't do any homework all weekend.    I didn't really do anything actually.  I decided a couple of things though. I AM FINISHING MY PORTFOLIO I"M GONNA FLY THIS WEEK!!! Also on the Things to Do List
1. Finish Portfolio
2. Practice Piano for Church and for Miss Hurricane
3. Finish Alumni Scholarship
4. Homework?

I now know I am to busy for my own good.  I am reading Jane Eyre and I LOVE IT!!! Out of all the classical reads I have read this is by far the BEST. I thought about book blogging it but I am too lazy.Also, I am going to dye my hair blond. or bleach it.. or whatever you have to do to get auburn hair blonde. I hope it's a good idea... I really do.

Well this is about the lamest post ever.

happy aniversary to me and you there on the right

It has been 4 weeks since I got my surgery, and that means something. No it doesnt. It doesn't mean anything I like anyway. Here are the things that it means:
1. You still have to wear a sling for one more week
2. It has only been 4 weeks since surgery.. its gonna have to feel like YEARS till school is out.

I have never been an optimist.

welcome to drugs anomynous! our first topic: fractions.

Well on tuesday I started my Math 1010 class. Just the story on how I ended up in Math 1010 would be a good post... but.... in short   I have to take it... and the ACT ruins my life. On walking into my first college class that was actually at a college I had expectations that weren't quite fufilled. In fact... no expectation was filled. My class was a class full of middle aged, drug adicts,  the slums of my town.  And as nine of the 45 of us was called randomly to introduce us to the class I found I was in the nine. As I awaited my turn at the end of the line I silently listened to the stories of the people at my side.

"I have stopped smoking for 18 days and I have been clean from meth for 3months. I just want my 8 children back." lady with purple hair exclaims.
(class claps)

"I don't really get anything... I just want to change my life around ... and ...um... stop partying. I haven't had a drink for 12 days." lady who is hungover.
(class claps)

"Uh, I want to become a police officer... kinda.  So yeah. Math."   stupid big guy with tattoos.
(class sits in silence)

"I am going to college again becuase I blew out my knee in the marines and I am in a wheelchair(obviously since we are all looking at you...and you are indeed in a wheelchair) I just want to play baseball with my sons again."  says guy with a baseball cap and a wheelchair.
(class sits in agitation as they try and figure out why being in a wheelchair has anything to do with math and not physical therapy.)

"I sometimes speak in an irish accent." the girl with the haircut.
(........)
       This would be where I am suppossed to speak.... I am next to the girl with the hair cut.. But I find myself having a hard time coming up with.. well something to say that is... well nevermind
"Hi. My name is Sierra. I... well I am in high school .. a senior.   Um.. i took this class becuase I didn't understand AP Calculus... which is alright with me.. becuase that's hard. I plan on going to college.. and.. thats fun."  says normal preppy girl that has never tried dope.
(class stares with bored faces)

I exhaled. Becuase that humiliation was over. But I was wrong.
"What happened to your arm?" says math teacher with cerebral palsy.
"I .. well I got shoulder surgery."
And to my suprise the girl with the hair cut says in an irish accent  "Oh! Well then you can give me your violin!!"
    I am not gonna lie.. i must have looked super confused. Here are the thoughts that ran through my mind at this time.
1. Who the Hell(Sorry) are you?!
2. How the Hell(Sorry) did you know that I play the violin?
3. There's no way in Hell(Sorry) I am giving you my violin!!

After these thoughts flew acrossed my mind a memory was triggered.. This girl had been in my orchestra class two years ago.. She wasn't so.. irish...then though. And she had hair.      So here is what spilled out of my mouth in a sort of embarassed quiet remark.
" I don't want to give you my violin."

(The whole class is stunned in an awkward silence.)    So I smile.

(class claps)


sincerely sierra

boots and a pair of oxfords

So, my day today.... it went a little bit like this.
MORNING: Woke up at 7...then wined until 7:10 then my mommy dressed me (thanks to my shoulder surgery) and did my hair. My sister left for school and I just sorta relaxed until 9 30 and looked at a magazine. My plan was to do homework..NOT! So after looking in this magazine I decided that I might spend my christmas money on boots and a pair of oxfords.(which are shoes).

SCHOOL: At school I read some Jane Eyre in the library before I headed off to class. I did nothing for an hour in orchestra becuase I cant play the violin (thanks to my shoulder surgery). At lunch I ate a corndog at Jenna's and sat in the back of a border-hopping vehicle. In government I learned about art and in physics I put a piece of plastic in a water bottle. My day was SO fascinating.

EARLY AFTERNOON: After school I squished in with all the people from my class and looked at the ceiling and said CHEESE! ... Yep.  Then I walked home.. the weather is beautiful today by the way...and tried to fix my computer for forty minutes. Then I ate some oreos and cheese.. And now I am here writing on my blog.

FOR TONIGHT?: If I can finish enough homework and my ambassadors portfolio I might head up to a basketball game in the town next to mine. Woo freaking Hoo.

So there is the basically boring life of a teenager who can't drive (thanks to shoulder surgery). And I don't know why I typed all this but whatever. it does have great insight.

Choosing THE Crown

Today it was my job to choose the perfect crown for the next girl that will take my place in the royalty. I have finally decided on one which I think is pretty and I hope the next girl thinks it is pretty as well.   It's really hard and it took me a whole hour. But that's alright.   Whatever.  I only have like 90 million other things to do.

Also in news,, my college math class starts today which SUCKS! so now with all of the things that I have to do I have to add that to my list and not get home until 6 every tuesday and thursday which again.. sucks.  

So I was looking into that little girls eyes and I was wondering why God put her in the situation he did.   When she was born I remember looking into those deep brown eyes and seeing how they looked so black. When she looked into my eyes I know that she knew me. I love her.   Why does she have it so hard?

mykylah

 

Long Live

YES!!! It is finally time! I am now in the last semester of all of my grade school! Sadly, thought, I do not see the light at the end of this tunnel. I might not either.. until the diploma is in my hands.

I made my new years res. Haha. It will be really interesting to see if I can do it. I made alot of them.. which is probably not the best idea but we will see what happens.. right?

Well the title of this post is Long Live which is the title of my favorite song right now. It's by T Swift.. .. of course. Down here in my small town we love Taylor. A little to much maybe. I also finished the Hunger Game trilogy finally.  I would have finished it sooner if I could of . But for some reason I decided to take AP Literature and I don't have time to read anything else buy Shakespeare and Thomas Hardy. Which sucks. And I used to like poetry and reading... until this class. Now..I hate it. Which is sad. Hopefully after I finish this class my love for literature will be rekindled.

Well I better head to school... becuase that's the logical thing to do.

{sincerely sierra}

The After Holiday

Every year Americans of all types all celebrate a holiday subconciously that starts around December 26th and can last up until January 5th. This holiday in my mind should be called The After Holiday.  These couple of days signify alot. It's after all of the holidays  and everyone feels like 25 pounds have been lifted from their shoulders. Stress Less. Also these days signify the end of a year, after everything we've done during a year it always comes to an end... just so we can start a new one. I like The After Holiday for the most part but mine seems to be seriously lagging this year... but I am eating alot of candy which is a good sign. I'd like to wish to a Happy 2011... THE FUTURE IS BRIGHT!!!   ( I graduate this year.)

So I have spent my After Holiday healing from my surgery. Which isn't nearly as bad as I imagined. Surgery wasn't nearly as bad as I imagined. I got my stitches out today (Which doesn't hurt). And suprisingly when I got my IV... That didn't hurt either. Actually... surgery didn't really ever hurt very much like I imagined. :)

I have also spent the After Holiday with my grandma who also had to get surgery in her finger. It was hard for her but she is doing really good ! Thankyou.
I plan to celebrate new years tomorrow some how special... I don't know what yet. I should get on that.
Actually, there was alot of things I wanted to get done over the break that didn't get done. Funny how things work.

My cousin Kylah got a jump rope for christmas. She is two  and terrible. But she was cute with her jump rope. We would swing the rope around and she would just jump about 5 feet away from the rope yelling "I'm JUMPROPING IM JUMPROPING!!!!!"  I love her.

Well with graduation coming into eyesight things are looking up for me. Even if I have to be in a giant ugly sling for most of my senior year.

{sincerely sierra}

Tis the Season.....Right.

HIGH SCHOOL STINKS!!!!!
Hi Everyone!! I want all of you to become high school seniors!! You don't ever have homework and you get to party with your friends constantly. You will only have three classes and the rest of the school day you get to just sleep.

If you ever hear being a high school senior being commercialized this way just know that this is false advertising at its worst. Not only do I always have 4 hours of homework every night, I never get to see my friends because they are in similar situations: and I never ever never ever want to party with my fellow classmates. My relationship with my peers should be strong by now. No. It''s not. In fact,,,, everyday I see them I hate them more. I am so excited for college.

So as I have spent this whole Christmas season studying for finals and doing anything festive at all I decided to go see the live nativity . This should be fun but it would be a lot more fun if I had a good friend to go with.

Tis the Season to get surgery.. fa la la la la   la la la suck.  I have a surgery next week and the idea of it has ruined my whole Christmas season... I try to stay in a good mood about getting shoulder surgery.
POSITIVES OF SHOULDER SURGERY

• My shoulder will be stabilized and no longer dislocate every month...
• My life will be better
• Once I get the surgery I will never have to get that surgery again

NEGATIVES OF SHOULDER SURGERY

• I have to get surgery
• I am freaking afraid of needles
• I am freaking afraid of getting surgery

(I just added the freakings in there because I thought it would help emphasize how freaking scared I am)

So now it is obvious that I am not really in a good mood about this stupid surgery at all. In fact I hate the idea. But yesterday for my pre-surgery thing this guy told me I looked Miley Cyrus and I wasn't sure if I was supposed to say thank you or something.    AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UPDATE>>>>> I HAVE HAD SUBWAY TWICE IN THE LAST 24 HOURS AND I AM DISGUSTED BY MY EATING HABITS THIS WEEK>>>>>>>>>>>>>  BYE!!!!!!

Physics and Dancing

I am in my Physics class at the moment and it isn't that great. I am doing research on how to make the strongest straw stucture, and since I don't really care about that it turns out that this is just a waste of my time. I went and watch my friends friend do a little ballet dance and decided that I wanted to learn ballet. I am not good at dancing so this could be alot of fun!!! ... Anyway gotta head back into the lesson... BYE!!!!

The First Day

Today is December and it's the first day of an interesting scary upcoming month. I have Christmas which is great! I also have shoulder surgery which is not so great. I am really scared actually.  Well as this month is going to be a month of the unknown future of course it has to start out on a note like today! I go into my AP LIT class all happy and fine and nicely take notes like usual. I am bored out of my mind when my phone starts ringing obnoxiously loud. I guess when I turned the volume off my phone was upside down. Ugh. got my phone taken away. yep great. yep that happened to me. Well this is my December 1st so far. It great.

One Day the Whole World Looks Like an Open Page

This is me and my best friend Calee on Halloween.. I like our costumes! We were about to go on stage for our Halloween orchestra concert. which we hate. I want Calee to come to college with me, but she doesnt want to go where I want to go.
Speaking of college....Ah! Priority Deadline this Wednesday!! Ahhhh! I already got accepted to where I want to go.... but all the scholarships... ahhh ahhha ahhha hahahahaha!  I am just going crazy now! But today I realized that the world right now is just an open page... waiting for me to write my part. I can do whatever I want to do! DECIDING FOR MYSELF! YES! But it is so sososososo scary. So scary.

We put up our christmas tree yesterday. it looks so beautiful!!!!! I love the Christmas season. LOVE IT.
Here is a little writing about christmas season.

Believe Love
You look at me from across the room
The lights from the tree sparkle in your eyes
I smile
You smile.
I love you, but I don't think you know.
You love me, but you don't think I know.
I shift awkwardly and look away.,
And when I look up again you have to ornaments
They say Believe and the other Love
I smile
You smile

lovers in japan

I saw one of my old friends the other day. I looked at my shoes, hoping he wouldn't see me. You see we once loved eachother..   which means I should look at my shoes if we run into eachother.

So the other day me and my friend Andrea watched this movie called New York Minute. It is so funny. It might have been becuase we were in a crazy mood.. which I'm actually pretty sure that was the reason. Well anyway my friend Jenna just called me up and told me she found it on Net Flix and wanted me to watch it with her. She must of heard the story. Today I might need to ditch ALL the homework I have.. and go watch this with her.   HAHA. lol.  Yes.

Anyway my other friend Calee texted me about a song called Lovers in Japan by Coldplay. I really like it... all seven minutes of it. I like anything about Japan becuase I love Japan. Coldplay is brilliant.

Blogging?

I like this so far.
It has been alot fun. 1 becuase I love gilmore girls and now there is this nifty gilmore girl picture fun thing going on at the top of my page. (I just realized that in my gilmore girl picture fun thing that there are two random girls just smiling in there. I am embarrassed for them becuase everyone knows that they are not actually the real gilmore girls.)  2 becuase I love charlie mcdonnel and now his movies are just floating off to the side of my page.

This is great.

So now that I have seen Harry Potter twice (I am not a fanatic.. just someone who sees harry potter twice) i can officially say that I like this one.. but I sorta had higher hopes for it.
Tomorrow is Thanksgiving which is just great. An excuse for Americans to eat lots of food and tell eachother how much we love eachother.. since we need to designate a day for things like eating and thanking.
I like thanksgiving really.. its just humorous to me at 10 at night I guess. And I am thankful for everything. Really.

hope for high school

A little about me..
I go to high school.
I am a girl.
I am not a cheerleader.

Now you know everything... everything that matters in high school.
High School is a place where a bunch of moody wreckless teenagers are forced to spend there time. But since this year is me and my friends are seniors we are trying to change that. We are not wreckless.

One time my friend wrote a poem
We had to for our english class about the 5 senses here is the excerpt
High School is Hell
It smells like Hell
It looks like Hell
It taste like Hell
It sounds like Hell
It feels like Hell

High School is Hell

And after she sent this text message to me I realized what great doctrine this year. High School. A place to waste your time waiting for the future. Which will hopefully be better than high school. My friend is such a poet :)