haunting

5 years ago at this same time of year I wrote a short story on success and what it meant to me at the time. That feeling at the start of a race, the sickness and quick breaths, the eyes mine came in contact with. That feeling in the middle where I felt like a failure, like I couldn't do this anymore, like one more step would kill me. I wrote about how my feet always kept moving on the pavement, wet grass, mud, dirt and bridges. I kept writing on the feeling of seeing that finish banner so close but yet how it still seemed so far. I wrote about speed, about sweat, about tears, about not turning back. Then the race is over. I don't smile I just drink. Water tastes better when you need it and it is sweet and icy cold. Then truth. The names on the board, my name on a board and by it is what tells all. And that is it!!!! I am a winner!!!!! I didn't win the race or come even close but I did more than I thought I could. I pushed harder than the last time. I laugh and I jump in disbelief and I know that this is success, because what else could be?
What else could be?

This question haunts me today, maybe it's  because I know that I don't know the answer.