wonderful things, wonderful life.

It's not that I am obsessive with death, I am obsessive with life. I have become so familiar with the dead it brings so many questions about life. In my human anatomy class I am slowly dissecting the cadavers and learning and understanding, but what is impossible to understand is how? There has to be a God because only a God could have created this body for life to fill, for us to fill. How miraculous is that? I wonder a lot about the end of life, and what that must feel like. Does it feel like anything? Or do you just continue to think,  no longer in your body?

In a book I am reading a boy dies. His soul remembers a lot of things, but the last thing is him sitting under the sky with his lover as they sing Across the Universe
"Nothing's gonna change my world."
"Nothing's gonna change my world."

Later on his soul describes

"There's a shiver in our legs, a tremor like the Earth is speeding up, spinning of into uncharted orbits. Scary, isn't it? But what wonderful thing didn't start out scary? I don't know what the next page is for you, but whatever it is for me I swear, I'm not going to ruin it. I'm not going to yawn off in the middle of a sentence and hide it in a drawer. Not this time. Peel off these dusty wool blankets of apathy and antipathy and cynical dessication. I want life in all of its stupid sick rawness.
Okay?
Okay.
Here it comes."

It leaves me breathless

Stuck

I'm crying right now because I love music so much. Literally. I go through music phases where I find a song or a artist/band that I love so much that I listen the heck out if it until it gets old. Then in about a year I will rediscover the artist/band and love it all over again. Music really can talk to me when no one else can't. And I'm grateful.

Also I saw the movie Warm Bodies and I really like the movie. The soundtrack was even better though :) It was perfectly my type of music, mixing the oldies with the new indies.

Also, Betty White turned 91 and I don't even care.

Exhausted from Running

Something about me is that I like to know the end before I know beggining. I read the last chapter of the book before I read the first, I watch the last episode fo the tv show before the beggining, and I always dream it before I do it. I thought I was covering my ground really, I think of every possibility good and bad. So how did I not see this coming? Partly because I really did see it coming and chose not to believe it. I knew really all a long, we all did, but we don't act on that because we don't want that to be the ending. Maybe if we don't believeit, it won't ever happen. Maybe if we don't dream it it won't come true. The problem is is that I did dream, One afternoon in Logan. I layed down to fall asleep because I was frustrated and was feeling really sad. I put my head phones in and the covers over my head. And I dreamed that my Dad got on a train, ( I actually blogged about the dream...I'm happy I did!) and the door closed before I could get on the train with him. In that train were a bunch of people I didn't know, but I knew I cared about. The train started as I was pounding on the door begging my Dad to let me in. The door didn't open and I ran after that train until I was to exhausted to chase it. I sobbed and I sobbed, for days in my dream, Then I woke up.

I dreamed it, and now I am exhuasted of running.